My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
