Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
