She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
