The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
