Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
