Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
