apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
