It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
