she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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