come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
