Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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