It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
