She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
