conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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