Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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