I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
