is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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