I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
