i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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