I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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