really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
