this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
