dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
