By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
