i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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