someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
