he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
