some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dick very happy bro
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
