I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
