I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
