Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
