he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
