his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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