a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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