You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
