im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
