Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
