I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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