I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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