I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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