Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
