i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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