I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
