Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
