i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i think i have herpe
just one?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
