I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
