areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
