Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Screwed.edu
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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