pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My apartment stinks of burning failure
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
