Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
