I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
