You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
