I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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