The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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