You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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