I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
