but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
