I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
