that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
