you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
third nipple confirmed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
