I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
