I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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